Siblings

Hello.
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This is a picture of Lil Fella, and his twin sister, and their biological lil bro on Sunday. It was the first time I bet in five years that they were all together. Lil Fella was so worried about his sister, I think it did him a lot of good to see that she is okay. I know they are all looking forward to the next time! I am hoping that we can keep this things going. They all need each other. And they are so cute together. I love those kids!!!

Anyways, that’s all for now, I might touch on this subject again later.

Aaron

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Hard times

Some days are hard. I feel like my family is made up of broken people. Each of us having our own issues to deal with, plus each others. It wears on a person. I also really don’t think the majority of other people really understand how it feels.

There are times I might vent about it to someone, and I can tell they have no idea when they say things like “well, having your own kids can be hard too” (as opposed to adopting like I did) or they say things like “they’re just typical boys”

But no, they’re not. They are kids that have gone through hell. They have seen their parents use drugs. Pass out from drugs, hurt themselves, overdose and die. They have seen their parent get arrested and go to jail. They have been hurt both physically, and emotionally by other adults. And now it’s up to me and Adam to try to raise these kids. To be honest, life hasn’t been to fair on my boys, and I feel like I’m the only person who refuses to give up on them. There are days that I feel so overwhelmed and tired that I want to cry. Sometimes I do.

Kind people, family and friends, try to offer advice sometimes, but it’s usually not something that applies. Sometimes they offer ideas of things to do with the kids, but I can’t do them with my kids. They mean well, but I still feel very isolated. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. I know there are other parents, probably close by, who are going through the same difficulties, but we’re just all in our own little worlds, never really getting out and meeting one another.

In the mean time, I’m just going to keep on trying, and pray that things will get easier. I just want everyone to be happy.

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life/death

It’s been a while

Breath creates fog

I kick the snow beneath my feet

No one really cares but me

I wonder what it must have felt like

The first time that I felt alive

But the long forgotten feeling

Of the death that awaits

Still stings fresh in my mind

And hurts me to the core

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Feeling beat down

“Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.”

                                                                                                                                                  -Voltaire

bear

Remaining optimistic has been the hardest thing to do lately. I feel like I don’t have enough time for it. I’m exhausted 99% of the time. I know it’s unhealthy, and something in my life is out of balance. I just don’t know how to get it back. I know I can’t possibly stay this way.

So how do you guys get yourselves back together when you like a mess?  I could really use some fresh ideas.

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Appalachian Tales Profiles

I have been busy writing tonight. These are some of my character, and a little insight into who they are. I’m going to start with the most important, but I will not cover them all, or everything in one post.

Ashton Anderson: A.K.A. Ash (the fake) honest name: unknown

Age: honest age- 14 years old; false age- 18 years old

Race: Charokee

Weight: 140 lbs.

Height: 5 ft. 6 in.

Build: average/slim

Eyes: Dark hypnotically innocent brownish/black, very reflective and somewhat bloodshot.

Personality: extremely passive, innocence, burnt out pot head

History: Running from the law, hiding from an angry drug dealer. Beat nearly to death. Memory loss.

Tyler Thompson: A.K.A. Ty

Age: 4-40

Race: Anglo-Sexton

Height: 6 ft. 1 in.

Weight: 185 lbs.

Hair: Golden blond

Eyes: hypnotizing greenish/ gold

Build: muscular

Personality: Secretive, possessive, paranoid, angry, perfectionist/ borderline O.C.D.

History: Disturbed childhood, murderer

Lynda Thompson: A.K.A. Lynn

Age: 16 – 60 years old

Race: Anglo-Saxon

Weight: 120-130 lbs

Build: Frail

History: lost and wondering soul, married and widowed young, Faithful, dedicated, all knowing, extremely protective. Feels a sense of  responsibility.

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The game

I feel like I start everyday looking/ hoping/ honestly believing something is going to happen

But it rarely does

Each day that passes by and it doesn’t come

Takes it’s toll on me.

It’s a waiting game that feels like it never ends

And I loose more often than I win

The breaks in-between are very short lived moments

Then it all starts again

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The man in Wal-Mart

The other day I took the kids to wal-mart just to get out of the house for a little bit.

We were on our way out and something startling happened between me and another shopper. Lil Fella and PC were ahead of me a couple feet. I had Lil Guy in the cart. A guy to the left was staring at Lil Guy, pretty intense. This alone caught my attention. It was as if he had tunnel vision on Lil Guy.

As we passed him by, mind you he did not take his eyes off Lil Guy, he called out Lil Guys name in an amazed and disbelieve kind of tone.

Not knowing what to do, I just kept on walking, without turning back. I’m not sure that I did the right thing or not. I of course can’t say for a fact, but I have this gut feeling that man was his birth father.

I feel like I should have stopped. Yes, adoption is my thing, but keeping children from their birth families is not.

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