Just thinkin’

If you listened to that song I posted yesterday, well, I’ve gotten the chords to it down on guitar, I’m excited because I love that song, and the chords came pretty natural to me. Maybe me and “Take me to church” were meant for each other?

Anyways, I’ve been in a really easy going mood today, that happens every so often, but it’s a good thing… really good b/c it usually only happens after I’ve had a lot of stress. So, maybe I’m onto some new cycle of life. I know that P.C. finally moving in for good will take a huge burden off my mind. It’s so hard to be away from your kid four days in a row each week. It’s weird. Like you do have a kid, but you don’t know what he;s doing, of how he’s doing. That’s so freakin’ hard, to not know.

(((That’s one thing I will always have a soft spot for… just getting to thinky here,,,, If the biological family, or past foster families, or case workers, C.A.S.A.’s, whatever want to check in with my kids, I totally understand. I’ve been telling them all to not hesitate to check in with the kids. They haven’t taken me up on it to much, but that’s okay, as long as they know they can… ya know.)))

Anyways, I’d better be gettin off of here.


Have you watched this video?

I like this song, I’ve been listening to it on one of my Pandora channels, but I just looked up the video this morning and fell a little more in love with it. I also looked up the lyrics, and read what people think it “means” etc.

Yes, it’s kinda dark and sad, but just as good. Sometimes I like to be moved by a song, even if it’s a sad one. Especially sad love songs (they’re the best)

Late night stress

My kids have been competing for attention. It makes me crazy, it’s actually worse with Lil Guy, he doesn’t just want my attention, or Adams, he’s not happy until he has everyone’s attention, and whats more frustrating is he tries to make everyone miserable so we’ll all have to try to make him happy, which is not possible anyways.

What I hate is that he acts out to get the attention, and gets it for the most part, of course not from me b/c I’m onto him, and Adams onto him too, although Adams a little more forgiving. P.C. is older and mature enough to kinda… sacrifice some attention, and give it to Lil Guy, but I don’t want P.C. to give up to much… ya know. Everyone deserves to be happy. Lil Fell is in a strange in between   state. Sometimes he tries to act mature, he just doesn’t always know what to do. Other times he caves in and acts out too.

God… gives me a headache! Anyways, I want P.C. to be as happy as possible, I want Lil Fella to continue to grow and mature, and I’d freakin’ love for Lil Guy to just… settle down a little.

Anyways, I’ve been getting into crafts to find some peace of mind, and it works really well. At night I’ve been sewing by hand a lot. I’m recycling the kids old clothes, stitching them into something new. It’s fun. I havent completed anything yet, but I’m making crazy jackets. P.C. thinks I’m strange, but the lil’s think I’m amazing :)





So, I’ve been thinking about tattoos, and I’ve officially made up my mind- I’m just going to do it. I like the music notes in this one pictured about, even the spray paint looking parts. Of course I can’t just straight up copy someones tattoo, I was thinking about doing something like this. I used to transcribe music all the time when I was a kid. I’d take songs written for piano, and re write them for flute. I’d even add parts for a second flute, or third. I did this non stop. Maybe that could be the start of something?

Anyways, I’m in a creative/writing mood, and could be getting a lot done this morning but I have to go get my tire fixed :( So hopefully I’ll be able to get back on here soon!


Me and my family

Lil Fella and Lil Guy have been slowly starting to get along. They did pretty well today, and Lil Guy has impressed me with his reading tonight.

P.C. moves in for good in two weeks. It’s been a long journey with him, but I feel like we’ve been growing closer together. We share a since of humor that few get. We have drastically different backgrounds, but somehow have ended up with very similar values. Weird…

Me and Lil Fella both live in our own fantasy world, and share a same love for the world, I think that is what brings us together.

Me and Lil Guy, well, I think he needs affection, and he gets that from Adam more than me, I think. But he also needs to be challenged to do things right. I do that. I’m also that constant and steady love. I totally get where he is coming from with his P.T.S. and it hurts me to know he’s dealing with that. We are very much the same person sometimes, which can be scary for the two of us. I gotta feeling we share even more.

I guess I’ve gotten a family… I just have a feeling there’s going to be another Lil’ later on. I know that probably sounds crazy, but I’ve gotten a lot of feelings, and they have always turned out to be true. I’ve gotten more, but I have to be sure about them before I share them.

Anyways, I think we are going to put Lil Fella and Lil Guy into some extra curricular activities. Lil Guy wants to do gymnastics, and Lil Fella wants to do basketball. I just have to get the details taken care of. I’m sure P.C. will be looking for something eventually too.


“The Unknown Soul”

Well, I’ve had a never ending flow of bad luck lately, and it just wont seem to stop, but I’m not going to go into that because I don’t want to dwell on the negative, and I don’t want you guys to either.

I have been working on my layout for the book of poetry, did I tell you about that already?

Well, it’s called “The Unknown Soul” The cover so far has earth tones, they are all kinda dulled down to almost the look of a sepia photo. I’ve made a drawing to go on the cover also, it a girl wearing a very flowing cape, with a hood, she’s hiding her face with her hands and you can see her hair. I’m thinking after I get done coloring it, and photoshopping it, etc. When it’s actually on the cover it will be a little translucent looking. I figure the word “Soul” could also mean “ghost” so she’ll look a little ghostly.

I haven’t started it yet, but I want to draw some roses for the back cover. I haven’t really decided if their will be artwork inside the book.

Here the con’s to doing that:

1. I can do black and white images for no extra cost at all, but I don’t think they’ll look as good as full color images would.

2. Full color would drive up the cost of printing, I’d have to factor in added ink cost, and higher quality paper.

3. More artwork = more time

On the flip side, the pros are:

1. It would make me happier with the book.

2. The book might appeal to more people.

So… those are my thoughts at the moment. Feel free to weigh in.


New thinking

I’ve decided to try out a new way of thinking.

It’s probably not new at all, I’m sure some one else thought this up a long time ago.

Okay, I have been feeling worn out, frustrated, angry etc. Everything bad- I’ve been feeling it. Yesterday was horrible. So last night after the lil ones were asleep I forced myself to think up solutions. Here’s what I’ve come up with; I think Lil Guy’s anger has overflowed onto me. Thats what I’m picturing anyways, like he has to much to contain, so somehow it rubs off on me.

SO, I’ve decided to make a “happy place” in my mind, no matter whats going on outside my mind, on the inside I’m going to be deflecting all that negative stuff. Even if I’m not exactly happy all the time, and maybe my not-so-angry energy will start to rub off on him instead. I just have to be the total opposite of angry.

Like I said, its my new way of thinking. If it works out well I’ll have to let you know.