My apologies go out to my fellow bloggers, I haven’t kept up on reading or commenting very well. (let alone writing)
Everything around me seems to be malfunctioning, or falling apart.
My new phone is becoming cranky faster than it’s predecessor (who left me with nothing) but I’m going to continue treading this water until I get through it.
Every time I go about fixing myself, or being fixed by others, things around me need repairing.
If it’s new, it will develop a problem that prevents it from fully functioning.
Mr. Cranky-Phone is holding some pictures hostage that I’d like to share. They are from my childhood. I went to visit my mom the other night, we went through my old photos.
I mostly had good memories, up to a point. My good memories coincided with my Moms memories of sorrows and apologies for things that happened to me- things completely out of her control.
Maybe she was going through something similar to what I am going through now.
We only share a few bad memories, my body bares the scars that prove the truth behind hers.
What my body feels bothers me more than my scars ever have.
I’ll never forget it.
She always looks down when she tells me this; her hand shields her eyes, I’ve always assumed she’s crying, or holding back tears. I know she’s reliving the moment every time, every time I listen attentively.
YOUR FATHER wanted these curtains hung, he was so persistent on things, I had to sew them up first, I was sewing and hanging these curtains, and all of the sudden I look up, your tiny fingers gripping the floor beside the staircase, and before I can even move they slip off.
I seen you laying at the bottom of those stairs, you where completely unconscious, I thought for sure you were dead, I got down there and you were still breathing.
This was one of my brushes with death. I don’t think it was her fault. I do know what it is like to be a completely overwhelmed parent.
Completely overwhelmed parent unfortunately looks kind of like inattentive parent- but I assure you they are not the some thing.
I’m off to bed, but I think there may be more to … whatever this is that I’m experiencing.