The equation for happiness

There are certain concepts that can only be learned in time. Here is what I have figured out in my thirty-one years of life that I wish someone could have shared with me a long time ago.

Life is confusing. It’s hard to find a constant and stable source of happiness in life at any age. This is because one source of happiness will never sustain us. It is impossible to feel complete by having too much of one thing. Happiness is a delicate balance that takes constant adjustment to keep from tipping the scales.

Riches alone will not make one happy; neither will finding true love, having the perfect body, or the best of friends. Happiness takes work, and balance. It’s hard and ever changing like the ebb and flow of the oceans. The only constant in life is change itself.

Our surroundings will change, our circumstances will become unbearable at times, yet at the drop of a dime they will change. We fall in love, we will reach a goal, we will achieve something great that we never thought possible and for a moment life is great.

Don’t forget even good things come to an end, and when they do we find ourselves crushed under their weight. Even the best of circumstances can change on the drop of a dime.

No one is immune to troubles. Wealthy people adjust to their circumstances the same way those in poverty do. The rich man and the poor man can both lose everything they own. They both grow old and they both die. They both feel joy and heartbreak. No one is perfect, there for no one can remain in the perfect harmony that is happiness forever.

We all fall down, and we all get back up. If you can’t dust yourself off and get back on that horse, help will come. God will answer your prayers, a friend will help you, your loved ones won’t idly sit by and watch you drown in your own unhappiness. God will never let you fall flat on your face.

Always try to anticipate change, and keep your life in balance and you will find the perfect equation for happiness more often than not.

I think I found it

I figured out why at least for the moment I am determined to have a few things go my way. I’m tired of putting off my dreams and goals to support others in what they want to do. No one shows any faith in me, and that only makes me want it even more.

So many people act like they wouldn’t know what I’d do with out my “talent” for being their hairdresser, Like my whole worth as a human being is tied up in me doing hair, like I’d be stupid to ever give that up. I’d be lost with out a salon. Let me tell you, that does nothing more than turn me away from the beauty industry, I hate that attitude.

I am a person, their are many different aspects to my personality, I have other interest in life that I am going to explore, I don’t stop, I keep growing I keep learning, I keep living. Other people may not see my other “talents” and their for they think I only have the one. They are dead wrong, and it show they do not know me, or have much interest in trying to get to know me.

That’s fine I guess, you go about your life, I’ll go about mine.

But let me just say this for the record. Being a hairdresser may require talent of some sort, but it’s way more skill, skills that have to be learned, and practiced. It’s an art of communicating and understanding people. It’s a way to make someone feel good, and it’s hard work.

I love many things. I love nature, I love walking under 100 year old oak trees, and walking through cold streams. I love to hear music, I love to make music. I love art, I could look at it, re create it, and create my own all day long sometimes. I like to write. I like to image up a character to tell a story. I like to write poetry, journals, blogs, news, non-fiction, I like it all. I like to read, and I READ A LOT, even when something is no good, I keep reading. I know a lot more than anyone thinks, I have taught myself more than I learned in school, or the year I spent in college.

I can do things on my own. I don’t need help very often. I need support. I need someone to believe in me, and for God sakes not try to get me down, or tell me I’m dumb or stupid, or that my ideas are, because I know they’re not.

And I’ll show you all of this also.

I think I might have taken a step or two in the right direction. I wouldn’t say I’m just back to normal, but moving in that direction. I’ve learned to take it slow when trying to fix things. I’ve gotten a couple of projects to work on that I’m hoping will help me. I’m sorry that I don’t really have much to say.

The bright side of the downfall

Honestly, I’m in this terrible funk that just wont go away, and it’s not just something that’s wrong with me personally, it’s everyone around me being grumpy, and unhappy. Circumstances I guess, no matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I can’t seem to change the circumstances. People are seeing it more and more. Another client told me she knows somethings wrong. Yesterday. I guess they can just see it, even though I’m not telling people. No one can tell me anything that helps.

On the bright side, I’ve been so down in the dumps that I’ve been able to conjure up some poetry again. Like, it actually comes easy, if I just sit down to get my feelings out, I can write a poem. Doesn’t fix much, but at least it creates something new.

So here are some:

“Brokenness”

I never used to hate myself the way that I do now

I’d fix this thing but I don’t know how

You drag me down into your hell

Into your dark places I don’t like to dwell

I hate the way you make me feel

Like licking wounds that just wont heal

I’m lost on why I do this anymore

You’ve drove me crazy to the core

You can’t blame me if I walk away

No one deserves the nasty things you say

“My Home”

Here is where I come

To shed each and every tear

Safely waiting until I’m done

Fulfilling their fear

Until my mind is numb

With every visit

My roots grow deeper

With every fire lit

This place becomes my secret keeper

I never want to leave

But time and time again

They don’t believe

They hide my pain as if it’s a sin

I don’t want to go

They wont understand

And it goes to show

My hearts been buried in this land

Ten random things

Random thoughts:

1. Do you think dogs have a special, maybe psychic connection with their owners? I swear me and my dog can read each others minds. Or maybe we just spend to much time together. I’ve been like that with every dog I’ve owned.

2. I’ve notices if my iguana doesn’t have his lights turned on he climbs around his cage a lot more. Maybe the lights make him lazy.

3. I always wonder if people are thinking I’m strange, because, well, maybe I am, some people say I am, but others don’t seem to notice a thing. It doesn’t really bother me one way or the other, I just wonder.

4. Sometimes I stare in the mirror and tell myself exactly how I feel because I think it’s healthier to be honest with yourself than tell yourself something that you don’t really believe. I don’t think it’s good to lie to yourself, because, after all, are you supposed to be your own best friend, you shouldn’t lie to your best friend.

5. Sometimes being perfect just means your not really living. Keeping things perfect can be boring.

6. Sometimes I mindlessly drive in the completely wrong direction from where I’m supposed to be going.

7. I cleaned my bedroom, and exercised, two goals of mine.

8. I made a new friend, and that’s pretty awesome b/c I kinda suck at making friends.

9. I might start a side blog made up of historical photos that I find interesting.

10. I want to enter a few writing contest, but I feel brain dead when I sit down to write.

Problems

A client of mine, a very regular client, told me that I haven’t been myself for months. I know she’s right, she was actually pretty dead on, and I could tell she wanted to say something the previous appointment. I almost think she has a subtle psychic ability, about like mine. Yeah, I know a few of you are shaking your heads, that’s okay, I don’t mind if you think I’m crazy.

Anyways, she kinda told me her thoughts on what was going on inside me, and she was very accurate although I haven’t told her much of anything.

I asked her how to solve my dilemmas and she seemed fairly confident that they would solve themselves.

It all makes my think of that dream about the clouds.

I keep wondering if it’s all a matter of time, should I put forth much effort, or let it run it’s course? I always feel like I want to take action, mostly because I make a good problem solver. I smooth things over for people all the time. I come up with solutions, new ideas, etc. This time, I got nothin’…. and I don’t like the way that feels.