Have a lazy day

I beleive in taking time to rest, and around here we don’t do it enough!

Well, since we’ve spent weeks making the house look good enough for thanksgiving, I’m taking a day off to just be a couch potatoe.

Its really the only thing that’s been missing from this Holliday, maybe I’ll just make it a part of everyday life. 😀

hope you’re having a nice lazy day too!


Awaiting the snow

It’s practically winter now and I want to retreat quietly into my own little bit of solitude. It’s so tempting, I think I might give it a try for a long while.

The house is practically done, and whats left will only keep me busy for a while.

Just tonight, I picked up my Iguana and an hour and a half passed by in no time. (He’s still on my shoulder)

I kinda just wanna make like Laura Ingalls Wilder in The Long Winter and let days go by just by sleeping, waking up long enough to feel the warmth by the fire, then closing my eyes and listening to the wind and snow whirl around me as I sleep snug in my cabin.

It’s scary just how close I come to that, but Adam always wants to keep going. I could rest my life away…


The flickers of light

I believe our mindset ultimately leads us to our destiny. It is what causes us to conduct ourselves in different ways, it’s powerful, and it’s power can cause us to create or destroy, to live or to die, to follow a lost crowd or find our own way.

I haven’t been glued to the t.v. or anything, but I have followed a little bit of the news that has been unavoidable. I’ve been thinking about the Paris shootings, and then their attack back, and I’ve been trying to find the loop hole in all of it. The part that’s not real, or planned out. I’m looking for the media spin, but haven’t found one yet. Not to say it’s not there, but if it is all really happening; maybe they don’t need a spin.

That brings me to the question of what happens next, and where will it all end? I’m not a total dooms day preper, I’m not on lock down in my secret underground bunker, eating cold pork and beans out of the can. But I can tell you this, I do feel like I’m watching out for things to get scary, and bad. I do consider the dooms day scenarios, and I do think this whole system is very delicate, and could break, or shatter into a million sharp pieces.

It would make me feel a little more comfortable to have that secret bunker stocked full of huge cans of pork and beans. Just to have that safe place to retreat to, but I’m also strangely optimistic about what most people would consider the end because I don’t think of it as the end, it’s more of a rough beginning to the future.

If you haven’t watched the Disney movie Tomorrowland, I recommend you do. It shows the two ways of looking at a grim future. Most people accept it. Most people ignore the problems we are facing, even to the point of denial. Global warming is no longer real, yet “climate change” is perfectly okay, because we could do something if we took responsibility for our poor polluted Mother Earth, but if we just change the name of the problem, and blame it all on nature, voila! We don’t have to do anything but sit back and play our video games, and watch our movies about how strange and dark the future looks, and we embrace our own demise this way, because, well, it’s easier to do nothing at all.

Their are other people in the crowd that are not so entertained by this future, they see the problems we face and want to do something about them. They believe in changing the future, that it’s not a total loss, it’s not totally out of our control. Some of the doomsday preppers stand on my side, they learn to create things that could come in handy, they plan to take care of others.

Some prepare only for survival, they stock pile their weapons in order to defend themselves, or to bully others, taking only what they need or want for themselves. They plan to survive, but they don’t plan to do much help in making it all better. They may be bold, and strong, but I don’t consider them to be brave, or even necessary.

Personally, in my life experiences, I have learned to be strong is so many different ways, and I have also learned to survive. When I was around the age of twelve I was bullied so severely that I felt weak, and defenseless. I learned from that to always take measures to blend in instead of stand out, and that is how I survived, a selfish way of survival, but that’s all I knew. When I seen others being bullied I did nothing more than feel bad for them, doing something would put myself at risk, and in my mind I was still to weak.

As time went buy I grew sick of this, my anger made me feel stronger until one day I was no longer afraid to stand out, and I was no longer to weak to do something, to change the future for others so they don’t have to learn how to survive a cruel world by blending in and feeling bad all the time.

I changed my function in society, I know I have altered the path for others as well. I’m not patting myself on the back here. It’s not extraordinary actions that I have taken. I think it’s normal, or at least it should be. And I know it’s the right thing to do. Doing the right thing isn’t always easy either.

I stopped putting up with bullies a long time ago. I started being friends with the people who felt alone, as much as I could, I would be there for anyone, because I wanted to be. I never want anyone to feel alone and afraid like I once did. I’ve taken care of many neglected children, and loved them, and also had my heart broken for them and by them, but I know I brightened their future at least a little, weather or not they realize it.

I’ve taken other practical steps, most of them where taught to me growing up, like not to litter, but to take care of the Earth, my mom used to bury the ‘scraps’ in the garden area to keep them out of the land fills, and to add nutrients to the soil. She’d alter, and mend our clothes so they fit us, and last longer. That’s because we didn’t have much money. We learned to save our pennies, and eventually we could buy something we wanted, and what we had we took care of because we seen value in it. Our toys were never broken, and so they could be passed down to the next kid, or sold in the yard sale.

In Tomorrowland all these positive actions people take to make a better future are shown by a light flickering in the dark future. The people who cause the flickers are called the dreamers, and they haven’t given up, or accepted their doom. They see people who have given up, and want to shake them back to life as if they are asleep.

Watching or listening to the news lately makes me want to do the same. I feel like I can “see” WWIII in the horizon, with constant tension and fighting between more and more countries. I don’t necessarily know what to do about it, I want to shake others and tell them to wake up, but I forget that they are awake, and they are aware. They just want to deny that anything bad could happen to them, or they simply accept that it’s bad and unavoidable.

Last night I had a haunting dream that freedom of religion actually shifted to a freedom to hold your own beliefs, but every church/ place of worship had to be non denominational, and no one could speak out loud about a faith, or claim a denomination, and this hindered our freedom of speech as well. Homes and churches where invaded by government agents, wire tapped, etc in order to enforce the new law. The new lawbreakers where arrested violently, detained, and there where still extremist everywhere, spreading more and more terrorism and violence.

So, I’m here telling you all this because I want to cause the flickers of light, and I hope you do too. Even just knowing that this might open a few peoples eyes, I hope.

Thank you for reading this, and I apologize for the lengthy blog.  Please remember the power your mindset has on your path, and consider if your on the right path or not because it’s completely up to you to change the course your on, and it’s as simple as changing you course of action as you go about your day.

I’m really here

I haven’t totally disappeared, I’ve just been swamped and overwhelmed day after day. I keep telling myself that things are looking up, really I don’t know how they’re looking, but that’s what I’m telling myself for the moment.


I’ve started taking screen shots while watching YouTube videos. I downloaded an app and made this collage of blink 182 pics. It’s just something to do, something to unwind.

Anyways, I got a potentially good or bad day ahead of me, and already things to do are mounting up.

I do have more to share but it can wait.


Going up in flames


My fuse has been a little shorter than usual with people. Maybe that’s okay, maybe it’s not. I’m not sure, but it doesn’t feel so great to me.



Sometimes I wonder if I’m just turning into a big jerk.

We have moved and the house is out of order now, of course that adds to the pressure of daily routines. I continue to hate my job each day, even when I don’t work, I think about it off and on, and become instantly frustrated.

I don’t know whats wrong with me.

Last week I wrote

 People will treat you like batteries; they will use you and drain you of all your energy, then toss you aside with out so much as a thanks. Most days you will try your best, but even that wont be good enough. 




I realize I don’t want to feel like this anymore. I shouldn’t feel like this at all. I have no reason to. I just gotta make whatever necessary change with in myself.

That’s all

Nothing makes you feel more worthless than looking for a job.

Oh, well there is one thing, that job I already have, the one where I bend over backwards for people, and they want to cuss me out for it… they’ll miss me, I know they will, but by the time they realize they’ve taken me for granted it’ll be to late.

Anyways, I’m to tired to write tonight. I have a million thoughts on paper, but I’m still to tired.


All done

Exhausted just doesn’t describe it right. I’m so burnt out from this move. Today I spastically finished loading the last load into the u haul just I time to pick up the lil ones, I thought I’d splurge, celebrate with them, get some ice scream, or something, but they failed to notice the signifagance of the moment.

So maybe I’ll celebrate by myself tomorrow.

As I closed and locked that front door for the last time, I told the house to be good and kind to the next folks that live there. I bet it sets empty a while.